#JointheConversation
At some point in your childhood, you most likely asked your parents where babies come from. And they most likely responded with, "You'll find out when you're older." You do, in fact, find out when you're older. The topic of sex is portrayed everywhere in our everyday lives and is shown almost everywhere.
"You'll find out when you're older."
If we are exposed to sexualized content as part of our daily life, why is it hard to talk about? According to Sheryl Kingsberg, Ph.D., from Cleveland Medical Center (5), the discomfort of talking about sex is not something that is uncommon. She says the way sex is portrayed to us at a young age can "have tremendous power to shape us for the rest of our lives."(1) There might be a lack of education. Most schools do attempt to teach young adults about sex. But is it enough? A 2012 survey conducted by Planned Parenthood asked 1,046 adolescents aged 15-18 and parents how comfortable they were discussing sexual topics with each other. Half, approximately 50% of the teens surveyed, answered that they felt uncomfortable talking to their parents about sex, and 19% of the parents said they felt uncomfortable talking with their teens.
Our bodies are different, and knowing how they work is essential.
There is more research being conducted on sex education. Brooklyn Waller, A Youth Advisory Council Member, speaks out about the lack of education on this topic. "How often can you recall STI/STD’s being discussed in your high school health classes? I remember it being talked about once and then quickly being dismissed. The teacher did not want to or lacked direction from the state on how to talk about safe sex or how to prevent infections, diseases, and teen pregnancy from happening. For example, Arkansas does not mandate sexual education programs in schools, similar to 17 other states in the United States." (4) Not having much knowledge about sex can make anyone feel inadequate or even embarrassed to talk about it with anyone, let alone a sexual partner.
My Personal Experience:
I used to be one of those people who avoided the topic of sex. Why? Because the education I received in Middle School just wasn't enough. I was only taught the basics. The rest I had to learn on my own. I didn't have as much knowledge as I would have liked for a developing teen, and I felt awkward talking about the topic. No information was given to us about how bodies work or that everyone is different in their body type. What about pleasure? That wasn’t discussed at all. Using protection was the only thing that was conveyed to me. It's important to know how to use protection, of course, but I wanted to know so much more than that. Additionally, the nurse in middle school only mentioned the use of condoms. No further detail was provided about the different contraceptives available to me or other ways to protect myself from getting pregnant. This left me feeling scared I would get pregnant the first time I had vagina/penis intercourse and that the condom would break from sheer use. I had to find out all of this information from my mother when she decided to sit down and have "the talk" with me.
She also taught me about my period, and how to use a tampon or, alternatively, a pad. Even talking about the use of pads vs. tampons is uncomfortable and has a stigma tied to it.
As I got older, I acknowledged that sex is a normal part of life. Currently being a Junior in college, educating myself about sex health has become more important than ever. College is when you slowly start to grow into a young adult and become more exposed to the topic of being sexually active. I've learned that having hormones is nothing to be ashamed of, and it's all a part of normal human biology. Asking more questions about the topic should be encouraged in our society. Luckily, my parents have been open about "the talk."
Being curious about sex is by no means a mal act. Exploring what pleases you in bed and what excites you is completely normal. Learning what also doesn't work for you is just as important. Bodies are always changing and developing as you get older. Hair will grow in places you didn't have hair before, and that's completely normal. It's all about growing into a mature adult.
We need to learn about protection and about maintaining a lifestyle that includes sexual health. Not knowing or being educated about sexual health can make life challenging. All of our bodies are different, and knowing how they work is essential. Pleasure is something that needs to be talked about and explored. The stigma around sexual health conversations needs to end in order for the conversation about sexual health to be normalized.
If you're interested in learning more about Sexual Health and current research, visit the SASH Sexual Health Researchers page.
"Has tremendous power to shape us for the rest of our lives."
Hello, my name is Giana, but I prefer to be called Gigi. I intern for SASH and am currently studying Professional Writing in college. I enjoy writing and picking up a good book to read. I am a young adult who believes in sexual health education. I wasn't taught much when I was a teen, so I want to be able to teach others about sexual health. Spreading awareness and helping others is important to me. I hope through my blogs and writing; I will be able to help someone.
1: Kingsberg, Sheryl. “Uncomfortable Talking about Sex.” HealthyWomen, 18 July 2022, https://www.healthywomen.org/ask-expert/uncomfortable-talking-about-sex.
2: Parenthood, Planned. “Half of All Teens Feel Uncomfortable Talking to Their Parents about Sex While Only 19 Percent of Parents Feel the Same, New Survey Shows.” Planned Parenthood, https://www.plannedparenthood.org/about-us/newsroom/press-releases/half-all-teens-feel-uncomfortable-talking-their-parents-about-sex-while-only-19-percent-parents.
3: “The Lack of Sex Education and Why It Needs to Change.” SchoolBased Health Alliance, https://www.sbh4all.org/2021/03/the-lack-of-sex-education-and-why-it-needs-to-change/.
4: “Sex and HIV Education.” Guttmacher Institute, 3 Jan. 2023, https://www.guttmacher.org/state-policy/explore/sex-and-hiv-education?gclid=Cj0KCQiA1pyCBhCtARIsAHaY_5e6mJeyvg6fXFEzNi3vwUKFih6D28YEQ6n7OXUS9syAj8TBzTbxRxEaAvbnEALw_wcB.
5: “Sheryl Kingsberg, Phd.” Sheryl Kingsberg PhD Doctor Profile & Reviews | University Hospitals, https://www.uhhospitals.org/doctors/kingsberg-sheryl-1861418675.
Blog Disclaimer
The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH) sponsors this blog for the purpose of furthering dialog in the field of problematic sexual behaviors and their treatment. Blog authors are encouraged to share their thoughts and share their knowledge. However, SASH does not necessarily endorse the content or conclusions of bloggers.
Information in blogs may not always be complete, up-to-date, accurate, relevant, or applicable to all situations. Legislation, case law, standards, regulations, descriptions of products and services, and other information are often complex and can change rapidly. Always double-check and confirm that any information you find on the internet is accurate, current, and complete in regard to your specific situation, question, concern, or interests.
This website and its agents make no promises, guarantees, representations, or warranties, expressed or implied, and assume no duty or liability with regard to the information contained herein or associated in any way therewith. No legal or other professional services are being rendered and nothing is intended to provide such services or advice of any kind. The inclusion of external hyperlinks does not constitute endorsement, recommendation, or approval of those sites or their contents. This website bears no responsibility for the accuracy, legality or content of the external sites or for that of subsequent links. Those who visit or use this website, links or any other information assume all risks associated therewith.
When I think about pornography and its impact on society these days, I am stunned by how things have changed over the last 25 years. As a sex therapist certified in the very early 1990’s I was trained in the late 1980’s, and back then, all of us viewed pornography as something that could be helpful to couples. Watching it could be fun. It would spice things up. I and other AASECT members never thought of pornography as ” Sexual Education.” But neither did we think of it as imparting despicably horrible messages to young men who might happen to look at it. I do now.
Back then, as part of the AASECT annual conferences, we used to screen erotica/ pornography as part of our education. Some of it was Candida Royalle’s femme-friendly erotica/pornography, although some of it was more male-centric. There were directors like Cecil Howard who created porn where there were actual plots, and stories were creative, fun, and humorous. In Howard’s movies, production values were high, there was no violence towards women, and women were normal looking, with different sized breasts (many small and perky) and glorious pubic hair. Men generously gave women oral sex . Watching much of this porn was arousing. I have to confess that back then, I and other AASECT members shamefully seemed ignorant of the exploitative and abusive way that the actresses were treated by the producers, and to my recollection, we never talked about the kind of porn that actually is human trafficking.
That was porn then. Internet porn now has permeated thoughout society, and it has poisoned young people’s visions of what sex is. Pornography is having an increasing negative effect on what is seen as normal in sexual relationships, and it frightens me that young women are either buying into this dark vision of sexuality (as some part of their version of feminism and the fight against slut shaming) or they don’t have the assertiveness skills to stop men in their tracks when dating feels more like an assault.
Here is a piece I wrote (Mindful Dating) for Boston public radio after the Aziz Ansari date tell all and it's still relevant today.
Aline Zoldbrod Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist, seasoned sex therapist, teacher and trainer in sexuality, and author of multiple books on sexuality.
Blog Disclaimer
The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH) sponsors this blog for the purpose of furthering dialog in the field of problematic sexual behaviors and their treatment. Blog authors are encouraged to share their thoughts and share their knowledge. However, SASH does not necessarily endorse the content or conclusions of bloggers.
Information in blogs may not always be complete, up-to-date, accurate, relevant, or applicable to all situations. Legislation, case law, standards, regulations, descriptions of products and services, and other information are often complex and can change rapidly. Always double-check and confirm that any information you find on the internet is accurate, current, and complete in regard to your specific situation, question, concern, or interests.
This website and its agents make no promises, guarantees, representations, or warranties, expressed or implied, and assume no duty or liability with regard to the information contained herein or associated in any way therewith. No legal or other professional services are being rendered and nothing is intended to provide such services or advice of any kind. The inclusion of external hyperlinks does not constitute endorsement, recommendation, or approval of those sites or their contents. This website bears no responsibility for the accuracy, legality or content of the external sites or for that of subsequent links. Those who visit or use this website, links or any other information assume all risks associated therewith.
In 2013 the editors of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), manual of mental health diagnoses, declined to add a disorder called “Hypersexual Disorder.” This has caused major problems, according to experts:
This exclusion has hindered prevention, research, and treatment efforts, and left clinicians without a formal diagnosis for compulsive sexual behaviour disorder.
The World Health Organization (WHO) publishes its own diagnostic manual, known as the International Classification of Diseases (ICD), which includes diagnostic codes for all known diseases, including mental health disorders. It is used worldwide, and it is published under an open copyright.
The APA promotes the use of the DSM instead of the ICD. Elsewhere in the world, however, most practitioners rely on the free ICD. The code numbers in both manuals conform to the ICD.
The next edition of the ICD, the ICD-11, is due out sometime in 2018. Unlike the DSM-5 editors, the editors of the ICD-11 propose to include a new diagnosis that would encompass those with disorders relating to sexual behavior addictions. Here’s the current proposed language:
6C92 Compulsive sexual behaviour disorder is characterized by a persistent pattern of failure to control intense, repetitive sexual impulses or urges resulting in repetitive sexual behaviour. Symptoms may include repetitive sexual activities becoming a central focus of the person’s life to the point of neglecting health and personal care or other interests, activities and responsibilities; numerous unsuccessful efforts to significantly reduce repetitive sexual behaviour; and continued repetitive sexual behaviour despite adverse consequences or deriving little or no satisfaction from it. The pattern of failure to control intense, sexual impulses or urges and resulting repetitive sexual behaviour is manifested over an extended period of time (e.g., 6 months or more), and causes marked distress or significant impairment in personal, family, social, educational, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. Distress that is entirely related to moral judgments and disapproval about sexual impulses, urges, or behaviours is not sufficient to meet this requirement.
This new “Compulsive sexual behaviour disorder” (CSBD) diagnosis is critically important. In addition to offering caregivers a suitable diagnosis for those who require treatment, the existence of a formal diagnosis in the world’s premier medical manual will facilitate future research. Without a formal diagnosis, some sexology journals and professional magazines have not published related research and commentary. This has hindered mainstream recognition of the risks of this disorder.
So, has the ICD-11 “rejected” sexual behavior addictions? Not for now. In fact, experts who serve on the ICD-11 (including Geoffrey Reed who is in charge of all of the mental disorder diagnoses for the ICD-11) clarified the ICD-11 position in a new piece in World Psychiatry (the world’s top-ranked psychiatry journal).
The authors make it clear that the ICD-11 has not ruled out that compulsive sexual behaviors may indeed be addictions (by whatever name). Instead, the ICD-11 has adopted a conservative, wait-and-see approach while further research is published.
...Currently, there is an active scientific discussion about whether compulsive sexual behaviour disorder can constitute the manifestation of a behavioural addiction. For ICD-11, a relatively conservative position has been recommended, recognizing that we do not yet have definitive information on whether the processes involved in the development and maintenance of the disorder are equivalent to those observed in substance use disorders, gambling and gaming. For this reason, compulsive sexual behaviour disorder is not included in the ICD-11 grouping of disorders due to substance use and addictive behaviours, but rather in that of impulse control disorders. The understanding of compulsive sexual behaviour disorder will evolve as research elucidates the phenomenology and neurobiological underpinnings of the condition.
This is the same strategy once used with respect to “gambling disorder.” When gambling was first given a medical diagnosis it too was characterized as an “impulse control disorder” while it was further investigated. Many hundreds of studies later, gambling disorder has now been characterized in the ICD-11 as a ‘disorder due to addictive behavior’.
Who knows what will become of CSBD in the future? The important point is that when the new ICD-11 is published those with problematic sexual behavior (by whatever name) will be diagnosable using the new CSBD. How insurance companies will respond is another matter, of course.
Marnia Robinson is a former corporate attorney who writes about the effects of evolutionary biology on intimate relationships and blogs on Huffington Post.
Blog Disclaimer
The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH) sponsors this blog for the purpose of furthering dialog in the field of problematic sexual behaviors and their treatment. Blog authors are encouraged to share their thoughts and share their knowledge. However, SASH does not necessarily endorse the content or conclusions of bloggers.
Information in blogs may not always be complete, up-to-date, accurate, relevant, or applicable to all situations. Legislation, case law, standards, regulations, descriptions of products and services, and other information are often complex and can change rapidly. Always double-check and confirm that any information you find on the internet is accurate, current, and complete in regard to your specific situation, question, concern, or interests.
This website and its agents make no promises, guarantees, representations, or warranties, expressed or implied, and assume no duty or liability with regard to the information contained herein or associated in any way therewith. No legal or other professional services are being rendered and nothing is intended to provide such services or advice of any kind. The inclusion of external hyperlinks does not constitute endorsement, recommendation, or approval of those sites or their contents. This website bears no responsibility for the accuracy, legality or content of the external sites or for that of subsequent links. Those who visit or use this website, links or any other information assume all risks associated therewith.
During my 8½ year tenure at PCS (Psychological Counseling Services, Ltd) I sat in many sessions during the PCS intensives with some clients (most clients were from out-of-state) who expressed their reluctance to step outside their zone of familiarity. They were sitting in the middle of an extensive and extended outpatient treatment process with others and seemingly having strong insights and meaningful awareness as it pertains to their particular addiction or situation. Yet, these particular clients were expressly reluctant to plan on staying connected to their new peers at that time with whom they had been open and transparent and the peers themselves had been vulnerable and deeply honest about their pasts and painful choices. Equally these clients were adamant that back home they hadn’t been connecting with their peers outside of their regular recovery meetings either. These clients expressed various ways that they weren’t good at that sort of thing nor were they comfortable with that. Curious, I regularly inquired as to the hesitation to form bonds of support back home or with their new PCS peers beyond that current week, as this was often a recommendation for increased likelihood of recovery and accountability. These clients stated things such as, “I have tried inviting my peers to go out or to hang out after hours but they have declined or couldn’t. I am certain that if they would go with me then I would find that more comfortable for me to ask them to exchange numbers for continued contact after the Intensive we are in.” But due to their peers not taking these clients up on their offers, even for legitimate reasons, these clients would express that they had done their part and that was that, and nothing more could be done… and this was often about as far as they would try even back home.
“Oh really?” I would say. And in many of those moments I was struck with a memory of an old parable I would share of a man searching for wisdom from a great master guru and the lesson of fighting for your life despite limitations, doubts, and fears, culminating with the thought…
After recounting this parable and its message I would look into these clients’ eyes and say, “When you want your marriage, your integrity, your family, your health, and your recovery as much as you want to breathe… that’s when you’ll do whatever it takes, no matter the discomfort or unfamiliarity. To this they would typically sit there at that point, quiet and pensive… and eventually respond with something to the effect of… “Mark, that’s a hard truth to hear… and even harder to ignore. "I know what I need to do. But how do I do it?” To that I would say, “I’m so glad you asked, because there is hope!” And that is when the next level of their work continued.
These clients are no different from average citizens. As humans go we tend to stick with the familiar and comfortable. However, as experience has taught us, it is the adversity, the discomfort, and the challenge that pushes us to new and greater heights. This was so in my own healing journey, and so it has been for so many of my clients along the path of my career. Thus, I look forward to many more of them being encouraged and challenged to step beyond the familiar and into the initially uncomfortable recovery path.
Mark Bell, LMFT, CSAT: a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) currently with Arizona Family Institute whose career includes almost 9 years at Psychological Counseling Services in Scottsdale, AZ as a member of the PCS Intensive Outpatient Program and nearly 3 years as a primary therapist in Hattiesburg, MS at Gentle Path, an in-patient treatment center for Sexual Addiction under the direction of Dr. Patrick Carnes. Most importantly, Mark has been married 14 years to his wife, Dyan, and together they are the parents of 5 kids… all boys!" You can find out more about Mark and his practice at Arizona Family Institute.
Blog Disclaimer
The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH) sponsors this blog for the purpose of furthering dialog in the field of problematic sexual behaviors and their treatment. Blog authors are encouraged to share their thoughts and share their knowledge. However, SASH does not necessarily endorse the content or conclusions of bloggers.
Information in blogs may not always be complete, up-to-date, accurate, relevant, or applicable to all situations. Legislation, case law, standards, regulations, descriptions of products and services, and other information are often complex and can change rapidly. Always double-check and confirm that any information you find on the internet is accurate, current, and complete in regard to your specific situation, question, concern, or interests.
This website and its agents make no promises, guarantees, representations, or warranties, expressed or implied, and assume no duty or liability with regard to the information contained herein or associated in any way therewith. No legal or other professional services are being rendered and nothing is intended to provide such services or advice of any kind. The inclusion of external hyperlinks does not constitute endorsement, recommendation, or approval of those sites or their contents. This website bears no responsibility for the accuracy, legality or content of the external sites or for that of subsequent links. Those who visit or use this website, links or any other information assume all risks associated therewith.
